Curated extract article. Full credits to: Lokajit Tikayatray. Read the full version here.
Givers are the people who add a lot of value to our lives. They are eager to help, but they don’t ask anything in return.
There are two types of givers — selfless givers and conscious givers.
Selfless givers prioritize other's needs. They are always ready to leave their work when someone needs help.
I have few friends who fall into this category. Their selflessness is astounding. All they focus on is how they can contribute to the relationship.
Though I love to have such people around, this behavior of dropping off their work hampers their own growth. Many people start to take advantage of the selfless giver’s good nature.
Conscious givers are more pragmatic in their approach. They are very clear about their priorities.
Instead of helping everyone just to please them, they make it clear that they will only help when it really matters and does not serve against their own interest.
But conscious givers do not allow others to take advantage of them. People tend to respect them more because of their thoughtful nature.
Irrespective of the style, giving freely helps the givers to build stronger relationships. Thus, they are usually happier in their life.
These are the kind of people who come to collect. All they crave to know is how you can contribute to their wants.
The only time you will find takers eager to join you is when they can derive benefits from the association. But when you need them, they will be nowhere around.
They are sort of fair-weather friends. Faking friendship when they want something from others comes naturally to takers.
Personally, I have no problem with such kind of people.
I am okay with their company as long as I can endure it. But I do not expect any support from them, neither I let them take advantage of my generous nature.
When takers find out they cannot derive any selfish gain from me, they leave on their own.
Many of us need takers in our life to help us understand how it feels when someone does not reciprocate our actions. They act as reminders for us to treat everyone kindly and help others in need. Also, there is a certain satisfaction in giving to others without any expectations.
However, if you are not careful, takers will drain you of all your energy. They will not hesitate to suck the last bit of kindness in you.
Hence, help the takers when you have nothing to lose. But do not bend backward to meet their demands.
Learn to say no to selfish requests from the takers. When they want to go, it is in your best interest to just let them go.
The ‘Give Take’ Kind
These are the type of people who balance out their act. They believe in a give and take policy.
There is a term for such people— The Matchers.
Matchers do not hesitate to give when you need, but they also expect you to contribute in times of their need.
They don’t like to form a one-way relationship by giving selflessly. Every request must have a logical reason for the matcher to consider it.
It is not good to be the dominating type as the takers who are only concerned about their own needs. But it is also not prudent to give like the self-less givers to the extent that people consider you a doormat.
The art of maintaining a delicate balance between the expectations of others and their own expectations is well known to the Matchers.
Many of us need all three kinds of people in our life.
Each of them comes with a purpose, adds value, and enhances our experience.
Some of them will contribute a lot, yet many you won’t even remember after a few days. All you can do is embrace the difference in people and learn how to deal with them with maturity.
Also, it is on you to find out what kind of person you want to be yourself.
You don’t need to be just one specific type all the time. For your family, you might want to be a self-sacrificing giver. Yet, in the office, you might prefer to be a judicious matcher.
Shift your reciprocity style based on the depth of your relationship with other people. Be whichever kind you want, depending on with whom you are dealing, at any given time.